I have converted.

I moved to Tumblr, bigger audience, you can find me here. <3

innautico.tumblr.com

PIGEON BATTLE TIME!!!

Alrighty, ramshackle post incoming! My friend drew me the most kick ass picture! Myself fighting a giant fire breathing pigeon with a sledgehammer! 

Dear God, Krishna, Hooded figure or whoever, this is amazing. Had to share it.


Stay safe, be beautiful, you crazy creatures.

The Poetry slam and Instagram!

Howdy, everyone, sorry for not posting for a while, I guess you'd like an update on the Beekeeper thing? Well, nothing happened, I went out to the coordinates and found a trailer, nothing unusual in or around it but it sure is a pretty spot to rest on a long jog but now, onward, to the present!

So, I won the Big sky day poetry slam, a $10 iTunes card, cha-ching. Anyway, I thought I'd share my poems, a little context first though; A man studying his PhD in performance poetry, came by the school library and performed for us, he then asked us to write about an object, I ran with his example of a bouncing ball, and once again about a marginalized social group, I ran with Technopunks, nice and esoteric, right?

Without any further adieu, I present to you...

The hyper enigmatic internal monologue of the bouncing ball - Tomas Ferrara 

Bouncing ball, off the floor.
Bouncing ball, off the wall.
Bouncing ball, down the hall.
Gall running thin, no more bouncing ball.
Perhaps the ball took himself too seriously?
Bouncing ball, off the floor.
And maybe he should learn to just be happy?
Bouncing ball, off the wall.
Find a yo-yo and fall in love?
Gall running thin, bouncing ball soars again.

And now!

The vastly less enigmatic internal monologue of the world's worst Technopunk - Tomas Ferrara

Oppression! Oppression!
The law horse is lame!
On the flip side, the new iPhone came out today!
Three stylish finishes of chrome, grey and gold.
Supposedly cures cancer and is a joy to hold.
Aggression! Aggression!
The law house is aflame!
I think I'll go and bash a copper today!
But he might arrest me.
Should he remain conscious.
And cardiac arrest is certainly a promise.
Because while I'm sure I could kick his ass.
In fact, definitely, in World of Warcraft.
I've been slaying Goblins so long that I can't run very fast.

It was a blast to write them and I made the other poets at my school laugh, hopefully it makes at least one of you smile too. Also! You can find me on Instagram! Just follow 'innautico' and you'll be exposed to me even more! My latest picture is of the Steam Powered Giraffe patch my friend gave me, hope to gain a few followers and friends, have fun everyone, I'll be writing to you soon. 

Coordinates?

Okay, so, it happened again. Another video was posted on my Youtube channel without my knowledge. This time it happened before I had even gotten home from the hives. the video is 13 seconds long, contains the same white text on the same black background, however, after the ambiguous text there is a screen with two rows of numbers with a few letters scattered in too, now I know I'm making this blog post a little late but that's because I've already figured out what the last screen was about. They were coordinates to a field South of the local power relay and depot coded in Hexadecimal, I guess because beehives are hexagonal tessellations? Who knows, but anyway, the coordinates are for a field south of the local power relay and depot, I don't know what's there, I don't know if I'll go.

Here's the Beekeeper's message.

The hive ordeal?

Okay, so one or two of you probably noticed the weird video uploaded at midnight last night. That was not me. Somebody managed to find me alarmingly quick after I went to check out some beehives I thought were abandoned, admittedly I look like a complete fool but there's something off about the speed in which the beekeeper found me and furthermore, I have no idea how he got into my Google account to post the video. Hopefully nothing more comes of this and we can have a chuckle and I can not be killed by a creepy cyberstalkerbeekeeper thing so without further adieu, here's my footage, and the Beekeeper's.

Russia's Anti gay rights policy is kinda shit.

Hey everyone, Tomas here again, just wanted to post a link to a petition to urge 2014 Winter Olympics sponsors to condemn Russia's anti gay rights policy. Everyone has the right to love, no matter who they are or where they're from. They've got my signature, if you see this, please consider signing. On;y 10000 more signatures are needed. :3

http://www.change.org/petitions/stand-against-russia-s-brutal-crackdown-on-gay-rights-urge-winter-olympics-2014-sponsors-to-condemn-anti-gay-laws?utm_campaign=autopublish&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=share_petition

Procrastination and Voodles

So, it's been raining pretty much all day and I'm up to a bit of a grind in the Dink Smallwood Let's play so I donned my coat and filmed a Voodle. As I understand it's the new indie film thing to do when bored. Now, it was going to be something a little more artistic but I liked the idea of the little pink owl thing going on an adventure so that's what it mainly consists of.

I'd like to thank Gurdonark for making his music freely available to all who enjoy it, this particular track is called "Sadness" and you can find that and many more for free at his blog: gurdonark.blogspot.com.au and also on the Free music archive.

And remember any feedback and criticism I can get for what little content I produce would be invaluable so please, if you have insight or ideas comment, message me on Blogger or email me at Innautico@gmail.com.

I'm not dead! Yet.

Hey! Everyone! Tomas, is back! I'm not dead quite yet, I've just been working hard finishing up school, and I'm almost free, so expect another wave of reviews, some Let's plays and maybe a few other things if you're lucky and I'm not feeling too lazy.

Here's a video I put maybe about half an hour into, it definitely could have used a  little extra love but I think it'll put a smile on your face if you're a fan of what I assume is now the cult classic To the moon! and not just regular To the moon!

Also, as I said in the video's description, video quality will improve exponentially! I really didn't think it would look that bad uploaded but I've been wrong about stuff before, right? I mean, I paid for DLCquest.

EDIT: I also wanted to take this opportunity to throw in my two cents on the HL3 stuff going around at the moment. What people don't seem to realize is this; VALVe doesn't give a fuck. They're the most modest company out there, the game is probably going to get a casual mention the day before it ships, and as GabeN said in a recent sponsor video "These things take time." So relax, but be ready for unforeseen  consequences...

Studies have shown that study is a pain.

Hey everyone, sorry for not getting anything out recently, I'm half way through the holidays and I've been reviewing for exams, but rest assured that I will have a BIG, MASSIVE, ULTRA, AMAZING... Ahem, pretty cool article on the way soon-ish. Oh, yeah, it also occurred to me that some of you might want to contact me, really, any criticism I can get is worth its weight in gold but anyhow! Should you wish to contact me you can do so here: Innautico@gmail.com

Have faith in your GM.

-Tomas

Indie review! - DLCquest

So, I've decided that until I can get some decent screen recording programs and what have you, the bread and butter of this blog will be indie game reviews. I'd like to try and spread the word about indie games because in today's triple A games industry, a world full of DRM and homogenized franchises, the indie scene is a tiny candle whose fire has spread enough to worry publishers like EA and Activision, so I'll endeavor to get one out weekly starting... Now! However, the indie scene isn't always churning out gold, today's review is a good example of an idea gone horribly wrong, so read on and enjoy, my strumpets.

DLCquest is a game that sets out to criticize the modern games industry by ironically pointing out and making the player suffer through all of the dirty business practices that the big names employ, but what I found after playing through it twice(I started playing it immediately after I published my Evoland review, so a second playthrough was, unfortunately, necessary.) was that it drowned in it's own satire, I noted that the references in Evoland got annoying after about two hours in, but I barely made it to the thirty minute mark with this tripe. Of course, I suppose I did receive fair warning.

The game makes use of a mechanic similar to the chests in Evoland however in order to unlock your precious sound and animation you have to collect coins which can only be done through thorough exploration and platforming, which isn't a bad idea but they seem to have made it a bit too convoluted, you'll often have to back track to and fro after obtaining new jump abilities and tools, but what makes it annoying is that the game acknowledges it and tries to make a joke about it, and to me any developer that sacrifices fun for a statement is a bit of a twat.

This is usually the part of the review where I'd talk about the graphics or art style but it's pretty unremarkable, the graphics are unashamedly retro, which by now just screams "I traded in my imagination for some shiny, new pretentiousness!" and it all has that lame flash look which rarely looks good. I'll say it: Binding of Isaac looked great for a flash game, but that's because it had a semi original art style which couldn't be replicated with a million post it notes of assorted colors. This just looks lazy. Also, the sprites have MASSIVE eyes, I felt like a criminal that had just been cornered by Ghost rider and was about to have my soul stared at by Nicholas Cage. An unnerving experience to be sure.

The story line of the game is pretty insubstantial too, especially since it pulls the same plot twist for each campaign. It also starts the credits and then cuts them out to make the player reload the game to finish the story proper.(After buying the correct DLC pack, naturally.) And not only does that get annoying but there's also a pitfall in not buying every scrap of DLC for the first campaign, so in order to pass you need to completely scour the map and buy every piece of arbitrary DLC, which isn't much of a problem but a little warning before going into the final boss encounter which you will lose if you don't possess everything would have been nice.

In conclusion, I feel that a lot of time was wasted here, not just the developer's time but anyone unlucky enough to play it. I suppose an effective statement could have been made if the gameplay was also fun and intuitive, but as it stands it's just bland platforming and the developer flashing his indie todger to the internet. The game gets so consumed in bringing out the bad in the industry that it simply becomes the bad, as I mentioned at the start of the review, it's the perfect example of a decent idea gone horribly wrong. It's overdone and a pain to play, I can't recommend it to anyone, except for maybe-

In order to finish reading this review please purchase the "One final punchline DLC" pack.

- Tomas

Surprise review - Evoland!

Hey, everybody. Instead of working on any of the content I promised, I decided to pick up Evoland off of Steam. The game is selling itself as a kind of interactive timeline, that starts in the dark ages of the Gameboy and takes it from there. Ending up somewhere around the end of the Gamecube's reign.

Throughout the course of the game you're sure to run into chests which, when opened, unlock everything from basic controls, to sound  and even the third dimension. Now, while I did really enjoy my time with Evoland, the game is probably about four hours long, and while the references and cheeky little call backs to popular games like FFVII and Diablo were pretty funny at first after about an hour or two it just started to feel like complete fan wank. The references quickly became like a sausage roll; doughy and sorta tasty but with absolutely no nutritional value. That being said, combat was always fun and if you've played any of the Legend of Zelda titles then you should already be proficient enough to dispatch whatever comes your way, there's also FF style turn-based combat sprinkled throughout the game coupled with random encounters. I don't think I need to say it, but random encounters while you're trying to navigate the world map suck more ass than any of the instruments at your local dildo removal clinic. Bad analogy, but you get the idea. On top of the occasionally infuriating combat and the predictable references the game boasts some brilliant art and a pleasing soundtrack, which oddly reminded me of Kingdom Hearts, though listening to the sound your character made while running was like having a Ritalin munching woodpecker going at your head. Oh, I forgot to mention something brilliant, you can name your character.

I suppose now that I'm done whining about the gameplay I can talk about the sto- Wait a second! Towards the end of the game you receive an Airship which lets you quickly travel around the world map without those freaking awful random encounters, but my question is this: "Why couldn't I have gotten it sooner?" The guy that owned the damn thing was calling me a hero the second I crawled out of the woods with his niece. Not the usual reaction, eh what? Anyway, after I'd gotten the keys to his Airship, the only place left to go was to the Mana tree to fight the final boss, I just feel like the pace would have been a little better if the characters weren't ambushed every ten steps. But let's put all that aside and talk plot! Your character wakes up in the woods with only the ability to walk right, and after walking right for a little you eventually figure out how to walk left, baby steps are still steps, I suppose. After a little wandering about the place you make it out into the world map and set off for a village on the horizon. After collecting some gubbins there you emerge 15 years older and brandishing a shiny new sword. As you leave the town you find a girl that has been attacked by monsters, you fight them and receive one generic female spell caster, who is also the love interest and thus your adventure to defeat the evil being causing the land to dry up and become endless dunes of random monsters begins. On the whole the plot is stable if a bit generic but as I mentioned earlier, the game is pretty much fan wank. Though it's strongest point is this: It can be penetrated from all angles.

Of course what I mean by that is that it's the perfect game for beginners. The combat is varied, it shows off different art styles and should leave any noob full to bursting with interest in other games and perhaps even tossing about a little of the lingo. For veteran gamers though, it has enough references to keep you smiling even if it does get a little bland by the end, and if you've been playing a lot of triple A titles lately then this will certainly cleanse your pallet, even more so if the name of the publisher of those triple A titles rhymes with "Supersonic farts".

- Tomas

Manuscripts, Nazis and small Dinks.

I thought it might be worth mentioning that I've begun work on a manuscript, I'm still fleshing out the story and characters but I don't think there's too much else out there like it, more to come whenever I feel like it.

Oh yeah, and I'll probably start with a Wolfenstein 3D LP or a Dink Smallwood LP, sounds good, ammiright?

Also, I should apologize for the awful attempt at audio syncing with the first video, I'll pull my socks up.

- Tomas

Consider this cherry popped.

Greetings, it is I, Tomas, your lord and savior... Well, not really, watch the video. Oh, and it won't take as long as I thought to get set up properly, lucky you.

Also, you'll be able to find the videos to come on Youtube at http://www.youtube.com/user/Retrospectrum00.

- Tomas